Whenever the television asks me on Wednesday nights if I "wanna be on top?" I nod eagerly and mumble the words to myself like a man trying desperately to remember a sequence of numbers that opens his locker.

America's Next Top Model is as formulaic as any reality TV show that has been or will be, but somehow, Tyra Banks and co. have hit on a winning mix of celebrity, reality and fashion that works cycle after cycle. It keeps me glued to the TV for an hour to watch the trials of thirteen babes as they vie for the attention of the judges to pick them for America's next top model. [ Read The Rest ]

by Jeremy Goodman

Having just watched an episode of Lifetime's Gay, Straight or Taken?, I have come to the conclusion that very few humans pay attention to each other closely enough to derive any useful information from their interactions. If you have not watched this delightful bit of trashy television, the basic premise involves a woman trying to choose among three men to win a little romance and a dream vacation. [ Read The Rest ]

With the Red Sox playing out west and not airing until past my bedtime, the void of my evening's entertainment fell to a repeat of the Real World Las Vegas Reunion premiere. The Real World Las Vegas was the last season I watched with any regularity and really the first time I was able to come to grips with the fact that I could never relate to the Real World. [ Read The Rest ]

Years before CSI popularized forensics, and Criminal Minds took us inside the mind of serial killers, one of the original templates for the forensic psychology crime drama was Profiler (forget Millennium, if you haven’t already.) Profiler was everything we have come to know and love in the genre. Grisly murders, tortured heroes, relentless tension and twists and turns were its hallmarks. It sounds familiar now, but in 1996, it was still a relatively new angle on television dominated by Law and Order, X-Files and NYPD Blue. [ Read The Rest ]

I am having a hard time getting jazzed about the Idol Gives Back two hour marathon. Here's the description according to americanidol.com: "In keeping with the theme of Idol Gives Back, the finalists will sing life anthem songs about compassion and hope. Tomorrow is a can't-miss, star-studded 2-hour results show hosted by Ellen DeGeneres!"

Life Anthem? Is that like Shelter Me?

"We all need a little shelter
Just a little helper to get us byyyy!" [ Read The Rest ]

Who is Martina McBride? I still don't know. She says about country music, it's "about storytelling. The best country songs sound like conversation. Connect with the lyric and...tell that story. Great songs with great melodies." I can't even make fun of it.

Phil
Where the Blacktop Ends
Tackles a Keith Urban song. I'm waiting for someone to bust out Dolly. [ Read The Rest ]

We start Latin night backstage. Nothing like staged banter to keep it real.

So while I'm not a huge Jennifer Lopez fan, I did download Que Hiciste and it's in my rotation this week. Some artists (Shakira comes to mind) sound better to me in Spanish. Shakira's English-language songs don't really thrill me but not the same when she sings in Spanish.

Melinda
In her intro, we are led to believe Melinda will come out sultry and sexy. She tells us "I'm so not sexy." Yet she comes out in a sleek dress and of course, she's magic on stage. [ Read The Rest ]

Editor's note: I missed the first performer, Blake, which I was hoping would somehow be Sanjaya or Haley but picking up from there...

Somehow I managed to arrive in front of the television just in time to hear another plug for Idol Gives Back. I like Kelly Clarkson, so I'm excited to see her perform; though the inclusion of Daniel Radcliffe to the bill must send thrills through every pre-teen girl in American, and a few older men, too. [ Read The Rest ]

I fully expected Gwen to be very grounded, and she was.

LaKisha tackles Donna Summer

My comments about LaKisha never change. Love the hair, hate the dress. Though I love Donna Summer, don't love the song and something about it just didn't translate well tonight.

Chris S.
Every Little Thing She Does is Magic

"Bongos in my boxer shorts"?!? He really needs a sensor when he talks to Ryan. Seacrest out. He thinks he's being funny but what's funny is that hair. No, J/K.

Gwen tells Chris S: "Concentrate on the beat of it." [ Read The Rest ]

Phil Stacey's shirt looks dirty.

So Paula starts off with "Think of Simon not dressed." Oddly, she doesn't say "naked." Too lewd?

British Invasion night. Welcome, Peter Noone and Lulu.
[ Read The Rest ]